There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
