Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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