Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
