somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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