How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
