Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
