Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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