Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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