Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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