I like my sex mixed with concussions.
from now on my penis is your penis
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
