No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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