Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
