At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
