i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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