My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
