his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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