The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
