Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
