What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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