Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
