I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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