I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
