oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize