If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Come share oat with me in your robe
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize