you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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