So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize