Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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