Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
dude. I can hear the air.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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