i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
