He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize