I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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