is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
