I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
