thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
