I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
false alarm. still invincible.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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