i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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