you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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