cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize