haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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