i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
