i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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