You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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