I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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