watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Green mimosas i think yes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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