so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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