I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
