Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
