How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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