So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
