i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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