He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
