Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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