the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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