My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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