so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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