my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize