Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That accounts for only three of the penises
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
