wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
