Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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