I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
