at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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