Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
