i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
