I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
