I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
