dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
