Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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