Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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