Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
