I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
