im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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